Walls are super-ninjas

Look walls.
And door frames.
And cupboards.
And generally anything that has sharp pointy jabby corners.
Or … things that exist.


Look, I get that your time spent as an inanimate object is possibly dull and you’re probably just sick of all us “humans” flouncing and moving around freely. But does that mean you have to take it out on me?

I swear, walls, it’s like I’ve had a target painted on me from day one. Okay, maybe day 365 or whenever I started walking (I have no idea when this is. I would ask my parents by they can’t even seem to remember what my first word was, let alone when I started walking. Such is the second-born-child’s lot in life).

But ever since I gained mobility, you’ve played this awful little prank of just … jumping out in front of me.

I turn around and BAM! Face right in the wall. I try to walk through a door and the door frame decides to sneak a few inches sideways. Cupboard doors swing slightly left or right, depending on where they will connect with my head. Steps magically shift so I fall on my face while going up them.

Is this an Olympic-style game for all you random inanimate objects? Do you get extra points if you do it while I’m out in public? Or around snazzy people that I’m trying to impress?

It’s not like I don’t appreciate you walls. I do. You protect me from the awful elements of the Canadian winters, springs and all that. But so does the ceiling, and you don’t see the ceiling jumping down and attacking me. Most of the time. And let’s not get into that.

Yours truly,


This entry was posted in Neurotic Character Flaws, Ranting. Bookmark the permalink.

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