I like my cat more than you. I’m not sorry about that.

I know there was that whole previous post about how my cat Jellybean is ridiculously disgusting and grosses me out. And yet? Despite his shortcomings I still like him more than most people. I probably like him more than you. Here are the top 10 reasons why:

10. My cat has low expectations of me. Food, water, shelter, snuggles, play and litter box changed. I CAN TOTALLY HANDLE THAT. Everyone else? Expectations. For example, people who I see on a daily basis expect me to remember their names. What kind of ridiculousness is that? My cat doesn’t expect me to remember his name. That would imply he responds to it.

9.  LOOK AT THAT BELLY! LOOK AT THAT BELLY!

Cat belly.

LOOK AT IT.

8. My cat doesn’t judge me if I walk around with no pants on. Or naked. He doesn’t care. He’s already there in no-pants land. Also? I can eat beans and fart til the cows come home. Does he care? No. You would.

7. He’s not racist. I’m not saying *you’re* racist. But really, you’re a human. You judge people and are probably an ass on some level over something stupid. My cat doesn’t hate based on religion, race and so on. He hates because he is cat.

cathate

6. He protects me from monsters at night. Do you? No. You don’t.

This is a reenactment. But holds true.

This is a reenactment.

5. Despite being a 15 pound male cat, my Jellybean loves playing with sparkly pink toys. My cat is not bound by silly cultural ideas about “gender.”

4. Moustache

You're jealous.

You’re jealous.

3. He cleans my kitchen floor by licking it. Now that’s dedication. You wouldn’t do that.

3. Once again … LOOK AT THAT BELLY! LOOK AT THAT BELLY!

Put your paws up in the air and wave em around like you're going to rip apart a hand when you get tired of a belly rub.

Put your paws in the air and wave em around like you’re going to rip apart a hand when you get tired of a belly rub.

1. My cat has never made me cry. People have. People are awful. People break your heart and let you down. Even the best people sometimes. Especially the worst people. The only time I’ve ever cried because of a cat has been when they get sick or old and have to be euthanized. So screw you people, I’m sticking with cats.

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One Response to I like my cat more than you. I’m not sorry about that.

  1. Angie says:

    BELLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

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