There will be no blueberry picking this year. Yes, I know, it was on the list. Yes, I know blueberries are one of the few delicious things that grow in this barren land of the Canadian Shield.
But it was something that Summer-Intern-Zoey and I were going to do, and Zoey is moving back to Calgary this Thursday.
Also, we don’t want to mess with these guys:
Bears. They’re like nature’s lumbering all-star brutes.
They also love blueberries. Do I really want to be competing with bears for blueberries? Uh, no.
Sure, I went blueberry picking last year. That was when my parents were up visiting. I felt safe doing so. If there was a bear I could totally outrun both of them.
And that previous sentence probably makes me a horrible human being.
I love you mom and dad. I would never abandon you should a bear strike. Really. I’m kidding. Really. Honestly. Don’t look at me like that!
But Zoey does roller derby. If there was a bear coming, she could both outrun me and wouldn’t be afraid of using her elbows, knees, teeth whatever. Derby girls are vicious creatures. I can’t compete with that.
That is why there will be no blueberry picking this year. I really like being alive.
Also, you should probably be paranoid if I ask you to go out blueberry picking with me in the future. It might mean I think you’re weak.