I have many pet peeves because I’m a petty and ridiculous individual. One of the top things on my peeve list has to be love songs that aren’t really love songs. These are the songs which profess to be about love on the surface, but when you start to listen to the lyrics, your eyes bug out in a reinterpretation of this emoticon:
As you listen, it dawns on you that this song is not romantic at all. It’s actually extremely creepy, obsessive and unhealthy.
Yet some couple, somewhere has chosen it as their wedding song.
Which is why I have decided to take on the task of brutally knocking on all sorts of songs which fall into this category as part of a new ongoing series for this blog called “That’s not love, that’s creepy!”
First on the docket is Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me”.
I mean come on! The girl is creeping on that guy through his bedroom window. If this song—or other Swift songs—were sung by a male, we’d be on high-alert, call-the-police because, uh, well OBSESSIVE STALKER MUCH?
But because Swift is a pretty l’il white girl, we just go all midwestern-style accent “Oh she is such a wholesome cutie-patootie and in love.”
Taylor Swift’s opinions on love should have ignored by society as soon as she released “Love Story,” where she’s big into comparing the love she has with some guy to that of Romeo and Juliet.
Spoiler alert—just in case you didn’t make it to Grade 9 English—Romeo and Juliet die.
Which reminds me, I should start a segment called “There, I fixed it!” for literature.
Because if I were Romeo, Juliet and the Friar, I totally would’ve gone to the prince and been all “Dude, so y’know how the Montagues and Capulets hate each other, and you don’t want that? Well Romeo has the hots for Juliet, and she feels the same way for him. So decree that they get married, and if anyone has a problem with that you can lay your princely law down. Everyone lives happily ever after, including Mercutio. The End. Star wipe.”
With Swift’s depth and knowledge of … life… I’m guessing her next single will be called “Our love is unsinkable (like the Titanic)” Oh it will be catchy.
All this is why I get a nervous twitch every time I hear Swift’s “You Belong With Me.”
Hey Swift, here is a clue:
NOBODY BELONGS WITH YOU BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT YOURS TO OWN.
All those things you’re talking about in the song? That’s called friendship. It happens between men and women. We can be friends with each other, and not think that it’s going to be a “love” relationship.
I feel sorry for the guy whom Swift is swooning over because he seems to think she’s his friend when all she’s doing is bashing his girlfriend with a ridiculous Madonna vs. whore dichotomy trope.
Swift is like the female version of the “Nice Guy (TM)” . Everything that is wrong with the song and video can be summarized up with this xkcd comic:
“You belong with me” is not about love. It’s about being a creepy, spineless whiner.
Yet Swift is seen as some wholesome substitute for all the “trashy” inappropriate music and musicians out there who are despoiling the minds of our children. Right. Yeah.
Also, as the geeky girl who often pined for guys considered “out of my league,” I cannot roll my eyes enough at how apparently a big pair of glasses and some dowdier clothes somehow make Swift ugly and undesirable. In the words of Cher Horowitz: “As if!”