Creepy, disgusting and stupid things my cat does and yet he’s the one who looks at me like I’m an undignified wretch.

Coughs up hairballs
Binge eats too quickly and throws up his food
Eats his own puke, fresh or dried up.
Licks my feet
Hi, I’m hanging out in a garbage can. But you? You’re the weird one.

Licks my shoes
Licks his butt to clean it
Licks his butt to clean it and yet still manage to have poop bits hanging around that general area
Wipes his runny nose all over me
Watches me while I sleep
Watches me in the shower and bath
Watches me change
Watches me while I’m sitting on the toilet
Attempts to smell my behind while I’m sitting on the toilet
Licks the same spot on the hallway carpet over and over and over again
Attempts to lick, chew and eat my hair
If successful, will poop out the hair eventually. Which means there will be poop hanging from his bum by my undigested hair.
Pees on my bed. With me in it. Right near my head.
Runs into walls/chairs/tables/everything
Flings himself into the balcony glass door
Trips over his own feet
Gets angry at his tail
Smacks himself in the face repeatedly with his hind legs
Two words: cat boner
So there are two ways a cat can be neutered. The first is where the balls are completely removed. The second way is just to snip the lines. The latter means, well, “stuff” can still be produced. Which leads to awful awkward wrongness.

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