Creepy, disgusting and stupid things my cat does and yet he’s the one who looks at me like I’m an undignified wretch.

  • Coughs up hairballs
  • Binge eats too quickly and throws up his food
  • Eats his own puke, fresh or dried up.
  • Licks my feet
  • Cat hanging out in garbage can

    Hi, I’m hanging out in a garbage can. But you? You’re the weird one.

    Licks my shoes

  • Licks his butt to clean it
  • Licks his butt to clean it and yet still manage to have poop bits hanging around that general area
  • Wipes his runny nose all over me
  • Watches me while I sleep
  • Watches me in the shower and bath
  • Watches me change
  • Watches me while I’m sitting on the toilet
  • Attempts to smell my behind while I’m sitting on the toilet
  • Licks the same spot on the hallway carpet over and over and over again
  • Attempts to lick, chew and eat my hair
  • If successful, will poop out the hair eventually. Which means there will be poop hanging from his bum by my undigested hair.
  • Pees on my bed. With me in it. Right near my head.
  • Runs into walls/chairs/tables/everything
  • Flings himself into the balcony glass door
  • Trips over his own feet
  • Gets angry at his tail
  • Smacks himself in the face repeatedly with his hind legs
  • Two words: cat boner
  • So there are two ways a cat can be neutered. The first is where the balls are completely removed. The second way is just to snip the lines. The latter means, well, “stuff” can still be produced. Which leads to awful awkward wrongness.
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