Thank you to the various ‘mericans who told me about their holiday traditions so I could attempt them. You are a fascinating people, and I wish our two nations a long and prosperous friendship.
(For the record — although I ham it up, I’m quite okay with being single, because quite frankly, I’m ridiculously awesome.)

LOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor Bob. I have to say, he was a looker! Damn fine turkay! And yes, you did it right. Did you barf after eating all the stuffing? I do. That shit grows in your belly! BOOM! XO
No barfing. Just laid around feeling ready to. And then I stuffed pie in my mouth.
… …. O_O …. …. O_o …. … o_O…. …. O_O
Yeah… that.
But in an “I totally thought that was hilarious” kind of way.
Is it bad I laughed at you crying?
My favorite part “I feel dead inside.”
Pft. Go ahead and laugh at my PAIN… actually, really do. A good chunk of the video I took for that part was actually me pretending to cry and failing and then breaking out laughing.